Friday, June 12, 2009

the post you might wish you didn't read

(warning in the title. mention of bodily fluids.)

So those of you who have followed my blog for awhile (hi mom) know that I've had some issues with some local Ecuadorian parasite friends. I even had a poll on my blog asking all of you what I should do about this painful and annoying problem.

I had previously come to the conclusion that I would just deal with the annoying little symptoms that my friends Pepito, Juan, and Enrique were causing in my intestines for the five months that we would be living here, and then take some strong pills when I get home and kill them all at once (sorry guys). No use taking the pills twice or even three times when the new friends came along.

Well I caved about a month ago due to an especially painful symptom (which I won't go into here, you're welcome) and went to the pharmacy to ask for some parasite-killing pills. The nice pharmacist gave me something and I took it and... not much changed. Maybe the pills took out Juan, but he wasn't the painful one anyway.

A couple of weeks went by and the symptoms still hung around, but were manageable. Even last week I thought to myself, "I can handle this. Maybe I don't even really have a parasite. I don't need to get tested (poo in a cup) to see which types of friends I really have. I'll just wait until I get home and take some strong pills, and goodbye friends."

Then the horrible, painful, awful, unbearable symptom came back! No! I must have gained a new friend, Guadalupe. And she's even more painful than the rest! I couldn't take it anymore.

The problem was that now I didn't trust the pharmacy to just give me something that would kill all of my friends. So the past couple of days I have sat and cringed from the pain and Jonathan has been trying to convince me to go ask the pharmacist where I can go to poo in a cup. I told him I was too embarrassed and that he should pretend like it's him with the problem and to go ask and I'll wait at home. He agreed that he'd do it but then I felt dumb. Be brave, Amanda!

So after spending the morning in pain, I remembered that just down the street from our apartment there's a doctor's office. I would just go ask them where I can go to get tested. When I arrived at the doctor's office, I realized that the sign says that they do... poop analysis there! So I rang the bell. The doctor came and opened the door for me. When I told him about my little problem, he suggested that instead of a poop analysis, I just come in for an exam. In my desperation to feel better, I agreed.

Luckily, all he wanted to do was listen to my stomach with his stethescope. The first words out of his mouth were, "Mucho gas!" (er...) And then, "Ay, muchos parásitos! Ay, pero bastantes! Ay, síííííí."

I didn't know that one could hear parasites, but I'll trust him because I sure feel like crap. He seemed to think that I'm hosting a lot more friends than just Enrique, Pepito, and Guadalupe. Aahhhh, validation.

He gave me some strong pills that apparently kill any kind of parasite you could ever find in Ecuador, charged me 15 bucks, and sent me on my way.

So I guess what I'm saying is, Pepito? Enrique? Guadalupe? All you other pesky guests? Prepare to DIE!


now i'm off to teach the relief society how to sing. if that doesn't kill a parasite or two...

11 comments:

cathy said...

What? No pictures? So disappointed....

"Get well, get well soon, we want you to get well..."
/Elaine

hoistgrace said...

Yay! Your want to not feel like crap was stronger than your want to not be embarrassed! Good work.

Lori Ann said...

My brother in law has been home from his mission for like 15 years (Argentina) and he still has lasting side effects:( Anyway, the last line made me laugh! Singing with hispanic people is so crazy. On my mission, the music leader would stop everyone in the middle of a hymn y decir "no, es facil, " y empezar cantando la musica en la forma correcta:) What is your favorite spanish hymn? Mine is "Santos Venid" o quizas "Loor al Profeta"

David and Brooke Gallagher said...

So sorry you feel like crap! I hope the DIE too! Good luck and get feeling better!

Jessica said...

I hope you are feeling better soon!

Lisa Louise said...

ah man that sucks! I hope they really all do die this time!!

alex said...

What happened to laying on your side with a piece of meat by your mouth and waiting for those suckers to just crawl out????

Brittany Anne Nielsen said...

Hahahahah! I love you Amanda- this is the funniest post! I'm so glad that you've found a way to get rid of your friends. How do you think they'll come out.......?
Xoxo

amanda said...

cathy: i'm really REALLY hoping there will be nothing to take a picture of.

jonathan: you commented on my blog!! everyone! my husband commented on my blog!

lori ann: don't tell me that. lasting side effects for 15 years?!? a little part of me just died. I think my favorite hymn in spanish is whatever is easiest to play on the piano. i also really love "loor al profeta." "love one another" is so different than in english. i hate it.

brooke, jessica, and lisa: thanks for your well wishes. i'm hoping they all die too!

alex: i really thought your idea was great at first. but then i thought of an earthworm scootin' his way up my esophagus and out of my mouth and thought pills were the better option.

brittany: i'm pretty sure i know how they're going to come out... i'll spare you the details, but let's just say the little suckers will end up somewhere in ecuador's sewer system.

kristine gracey anderson said...

HA! You already replied to all the comments! So I will be the cool one that is left all alone at the bottom. Oh Yeah!

Oh, and i hope all is well with killing your friends.

amanda said...

Kristine: I am replying to your comment! woo!