Yes, I could write these things privately, but is there or is there not some great release in just telling the whole world (or maybe 20 people) that life sucks sometimes? ...And then move on. I think there is.
So if you're not in the mood for Moaning Myrtle, then go read nienie. She deals with a lot more than me and still seems happy and upbeat. Whatev. I'm giving in.
If you want to commiserate, read on...
-I got fired from a dream job that I had for three days in August because I wasn't peppy enough.
-I now work in a restaurant under the most power-tripping, demeaning, socially inept, and just plain mean boss ever. I hate going to work but I pick up every possible shift because we need money so badly.
-Actively job-hunting since May has been hurting my ego and slowly killing my soul.
-Jonathan finally found a job. An hour away. $9/hour. 1-2 days/week. bluh.
-I hate money.
-Student loans are the bane of my existence. Sallie #$@%ing Mae wants to eat our firstborn. they also say we owe $3000 that Jonathan never used (in addition to the $15,000 that we legitimately owe). The Art $@!&ing Institute wants to eat our doggy. they say they sent the Sallie Mae money back. Sallie Mae begs to differ. It's a mess.
-If we pay the minimum amounts to our creditors each month, plus rent, we usually can't buy enough food. I bring home food from the restaurant as much as possible and we eat at parents' houses a lot. The pits.
-We keep getting tantalizing possible job opportunities that have all shriveled up and died just as we were getting excited about them.
-Settlers of Catan has stolen my husband.
-My brother-in-law and sister-in-law are getting divorced and I'm so sad/frustrated/confused/depressed/angry about it.
-Buying Christmas gifts is pretty out of the question.
-We haven't been able to afford to get one of our vehicles inspected, registered, and titled in our name. Tonight Jonathan got pulled over and was given a ticket for expired registration. $$$. Now we really can't afford to. The cop said he decided not to impound the car because "Merry Christmas."
-I love decorating and reading design and craft blogs but our place is really blah. Nothing on the walls. No money + lack of motivation = ugly house.
-Policia chewed my only decent church shoes to oblivion. He chewed holes in the halfway decent ones so I still wear them but my feet get wet.
-Jonathan doesn't have a coat. We are running out of pants that don't have holes or stains.
-An old man at work yelled at me and told me I am despicable because he wasn't happy with the amount of time his food took to get to him. Instead of saying something horrible back I held it in. Then I cried. Then my boss threatened to fire me in front of all the customers and coworkers because of something random and stupid. I had to keep serving but I couldn't stop crying. I felt weak and stupid. Then my boss got mad because I was unprofessional for crying in front of customers.
-I have anxiety that someone I love is going to get hurt, sick, or die.
-We still haven't written thank you notes for all of our wedding gifts and I feel terrible about it. People were so generous and I still haven't thanked so many of them! I'm horrible!
-I want to control a lot things that I can't possibly control.
-My digestive system still suffers the effects of Ecuador.
-I will probably get fired for writing all this stuff about work and my boss on this blog. Everyone cross your fingers that he's not an internet stalker.
Anyway... We're fine. We'll be fine. Maybe one day we'll even have extra money and jobs we like. Right now it's just the uncertainty that's so hard. When is it going to get a little easier? Who knows. Will it get even harder? I hope not.
I hear on the news about kids going missing, young spouses dying, and terrible accidents and abuse. I read about people with horrible illnesses and health struggles. I hear my parents report on a refugee family they're helping for Christmas that has no kitchen table, blankets, towels, beds, etc. All of that makes me feel a so guilty for thinking that my life is hard right now. We're mostly healthy. We have the necessities. Why am I complaining?!
The good news is that Jonathan is a trooper. He gets way less stressed about all these things than I do, which is a relief. We can't both be a mess. He keeps me sane. He and the rest of my family are my happy and bright section of life. Everything else seems a little dim and uncertain right now. Thank you, Heavenly Father for family.
...and also for blogs. Writing this all down has been cathartic. I'm glad that I've done it. I won't always blog about hard things but today I am and it's fine.
If anyone else feels like griping, venting, whining, or complaining, feel free to do it in the comments. It'll be fun. Just this once. You can even post anonymously if you need to. I'll also take any advice from anyone on any point I've whined about in the list. In addition, any good vibes, prayers, or happy thoughts in our behalf would mean a lot.
In the words of a new friend of mine (and probably a lot of other people), "Life sucks and then you die. So you might as well be happy." The ultimate pessimist's optimism. I'm going to try it.