No, the thing that makes it hard to go out is what I get to hear from everyone. Every day.
People are really excited for you at the end of your pregnancy. I totally understand that. And I suspect they get especially excited for you when you're having your first child. This brings a lot of concerned and well-meaning comments, questions, and advice. THAT. I. CAN'T. HANDLE. ANYMORE. OF!
Here are some of my favorites comments thus far:
-"You know, the first labor is always the longest and hardest."
-"I labored 2309485000 hours with my first!"
-"You haven't even dropped yet! (this one I get all the time.)"
-"Wow! You're due next week? That went by fast!"
I also thought I'd include a list of frequently asked questions for all you curious people who don't get to see me often. Some of these questions I can understand being asked and I don't mind answering. Others I find endlessly annoying. Either way. Here are the answers... If only everyone I'm going to encounter before I have this baby could read this blog.
Q: When are you due?
A: September 7th. On Tuesday.
Q: You're still here?! (at work, church)
A: Uh... Yes I am. Would you like me to leave?
Q: When are they going to induce you?
A: Well I don't know that they will. Unless there is some sort of medical issue with me or the baby, they won't induce first-time mothers at least until you pass 41 weeks.
Q: Are you going to give birth naturally?
A: I plan to have an epidural and then push a live baby out of my you-know-where. Is that natural enough for you?
Q: Are you dilated yet? How much?
A: I was checked for the first time last Tuesday. I was dilated to a 2 and 80% effaced.
Q: Are you going to breastfeed?
A: That's the plan.
Q: Why did you decide to have a midwife? Don't you want to give birth in a hospital?
A: I researched my options and found that most women who choose the midwife route have great experiences. Midwives are generally more attentive during labor than doctors. The midwives I see have their office at the Intermountain Medical Center, where I will deliver. If any complications arise, a doctor experienced with high risk pregnancies and deliveries is always on call.
Q: Have you tried _______ to get your labor going? (spicy food, castor oil, walking, sex, the pizza at Trio, jumping on the trampoline, taking a bumpy car ride)
A: Mostly I've tried laying around on the couch. However, I was forced to shop for long hours on Friday evening and Saturday.
Q: Are you having contractions?
Q: Do they hurt?
Q: Are there a lot of them?
Q: Do you have any names picked out?
Q: When's the baby gonna come?
A1 (I'm feeling patient): Oh I don't know... (polite laugh, smile). She'll come when she's ready.
A2 (I'm feeling devious): Uh... (blank look)... When will what come?
As I was writing this my family dropped by with some dinner for Jonathan and me. My mom yelled to me from the car that I should try jump-squatting down the stairs. I think she's just really excited to meet her first granddaughter. I'll add that to my list of things to try, Mom.
So I guess the hardest part about being 9 months pregnant is the repetitive and/or personal questions and the unsolicited advice and comments that I really don't want to hear.
Did this sound terribly ornery? Well that's probably because the cherry on top of everything happened at church today when an old man cornered me at church and asked me when I was due. After I told him, he informed me that a woman's first labor is always the most difficult and that he hoped I'd been doing the perineum exercises that can help prevent a woman from tearing so much while giving birth. He went on about how labor and delivery nurses are sometimes trained to do episiotomies in case the physician doesn't show up in time. Then his tangent took a turn for the worse. He said, "I don't see childbirth as a sexual thing at all. No it's a wonderful physiological thing when the baby comes. Not sexual."
Well, sir... thank you for that. You've just single-handedly given me one of the most uncomfortable moments I've had this whole pregnancy. Physical or otherwise. And I can assure you that childbirth being a "sexual thing" has never once crossed my mind and it kind of creeps me out that you even mentioned it. Also, I'll keep my perineal tissue to myself and not discuss it with men at church, thank you.
If I'm still pregnant next Sunday, I am NOT going to be at church.